Discussion Question: Have you ever been "punished" or held back at work for being prettier or smarter than your boss?

Do feel you have ever been passed over, talked down to or even let go because you were prettier or smarter than your boss? Perhaps she (or he) didn't like the competition (whether you thought you were being competitive or not).

There's a book out called "Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women & Rivalry" all about how women sabotage each other in the work place. Why does that happen? What is it in us that flares up and wants to stop others that are more successful than we are? Why can we not just be supportive and help others succeed recognizing that in their success, we are elevating our own standing as well?

I'm remided of something my mom told me about crabs. Or more specifically, crabs in a basket. If you go crabbing, catch one crab and place him in a basket, you have to keep an eye on him because he will continuously try to escape until he is free. If, however, you catch multiple crabs and put them in a basket, you don't have to watch them at all. This is because when they are in a group, the crabs will not help each other escape. In fact, when one starts to leave the basket, the others will pull him back in (very Godfather, don't you think!). They literally seal their collective fate by ensuring NONE of the crabs escape.

Have you been a crab on the run who's been pulled back in by the others around you, therefore slowing or stopping your success? Or perhaps you can think back to a time when you've pulled back an escaping crab to make yourself feel better.

Why do we do this? Or better yet, how can we learn NOT to do this and support the women around us who want to accomplish amazing things?

Discuss! Just click on the comments section below and tell us what you think!

Lead Like a Girl by Leading Like You Shop!

Girls KNOW how to shop! And guess what...they know how to lead too! Who knew they were linked?! :-)

The birthday girl (Steph--in the center with her vibrant pink dress) & her crew at Barbourville Winery where our wine pourer Jeff informed us of his theory on the differences between how men & women shop.

It’s funny how people say things to you that make you think, “Yeah…why didn’t I think of that?!” I had one such experience this weekend while I was wine tasting with seven girls out at Barbourville Winery in Charlottesville, VA.

I’m the first to admit that seven girls doing anything is not a recipe for going unnoticed. Add to that it was one girl’s birthday, that everyone looked smashing since we had just brunched at Kenswick Hall down the road and suddenly you have all eyes on the girls!

Our wine pourer, Jeff, was totally amused. He had all sorts of fun commentary for us (including my favorite, “You spill on it, you buy it!”). He even let us come back behind the bar for a commemorative photo of the day, which he harassed some passer-by to come take, diverting the poor man from his trip to the restroom.

In all the madness (and shortly after the ‘you spill on it, you buy it’ comment), Jeff asked if we had ever noticed the difference between the way men and women shopped. Huh?

Clearly there are many differences…the main one being most men I know would rather take a hot poker in the eye than go shopping. But Jeff had a whole different take on it. One I thought would be appropriate to share here under our banner of “Lead Like a Girl!”

Jeff said if you ever look at men in stores, they aren’t really touching anything. They have their hands in their pockets or behind their backs and make a beeline directly to the particular item they came in to buy. He enlightened us as to the reason why, sharing that since they were little, most boys’ mothers shouted a constant axiom of, “Don’t touch that…hands off!”

This apparently carried over into adulthood for Jeff (and he swears he sees other men do it too) as he continues to shop with his hands in his pockets, not touching anything but the item he intends to purchase. He said he marvels at the way women shop…feeling textures, touching every thing they pass, discovering new items they hadn’t even known they wanted five minutes ago. They shop with their hands everywhere BUT in their pockets.

I couldn’t help but to think this is another reflection on how we lead. Men do tend to be more direct and to the point. They go after precisely what they want and view spending time on items not on that path as a waste of time. And often, they prefer those they lead act the same way. Don’t fool around with things other than the mission. Get in, get out.

Women, on the other hand, want to “touch everything”…just like when they shop. They want to know the people they are working with (“How’s your family?” or “What did you do this weekend?”). They like to explore alternative ideas that might provide a better way of operating. They don’t view any of this as a waste of time, but rather “trying ideas on for size” if you will. If they work, great! Let’s buy ‘em! If not, we’ll grab another idea to try on and see where that gets us. We could leave with nothing or we might just find that one item that becomes indispensable…the one you didn’t even know about five minutes ago. Either way, it’s the journey that is important, not the destination.

Whether it’s shopping or brainstorming ideas for a big project, women are ok with wandering about looking for just the right thing…even if they have no idea what that right thing is. The journey leaves room for others to contribute, give ideas, make suggestions, or even be the one to provide the perfect solution.

No hands in our pockets here. We want people to touch, try-on, and get messy if it will help us achieve our vision.

That is precisely how I found a pair of Dolce & Gabana, pink brocade shoes once worn by Oprah. And how I was able to purchase them to use in my work and therefore make them tax deductible (thanks, Mom for that great idea).

So go. Shop. Try things on. And be ok with being messy and know that you might find something you didn’t even know you couldn’t live without. Then do the same thing in your life and work. You’ll be amazed with the creativity and vision you’ll inspire in those around you!

Lead Like a Girl and Get Money!

Are you a smart woman with a dream? The Smart Women Grant program could be just what you need to take your ideas to the next level!

So there I was, looking for some inspirational story about women to post on the blog for today and I ran across the following story in the Argus Observer: Grants for Women Available (http://www.argusobserver.com/articles/2009/05/20/news/us/doc4a142e209b679292096523.txt)
Turns out some brilliant bank has decided to give 6 micro-loans of $3,000 each to women in Idaho & Utah who are doing great things. They are calling the program "Smart Women Grants." How fantastic is that?!

I'm pretty inspired to know there are already some recipients who have done great things. I'm even more inspired to think that maybe someone who reads this will BE one of the next recipients!

Are you in Idaho or Utah? Do you know a fabulous woman who is that could use a little extra capital to grow an idea she is passionate about?! Get her to check out this article and apply for a grant! No reason she shouldn't be the next person to inspire women to follow their dreams!

Oh...and if she does, be sure to tell us about it!

Do you have a hero who Leads Like a Girl? Who is she and why is she your hero?

Do you know anyone who can make a cake like this without a pattern? Seriously...the tank tracks are made of mini-Oreos & black licorice. Now THAT's a great way to use your resources!

Everyone has a hero...who's yours? Who do you know that "Leads Like a Girl" and inspires you to want to find your own inner Girl Leader?

Being single, I love my ability to choose what I want to do every day without having to answer to anyone. Ah, the freedom! BUT...I am also a wee little bit jealous of my best friend and her family. She's an awesome mom with two little boys (three if you count her big boy/husband!). Every time I see her in action, I am amazed at how effectively she runs her home, creates community among friends, holds down a job, and supports her husband's continued growth as he pursues a degree (actually...PURSUED a degree...he graduated this month!).

The woman is a hero in my eyes because she never complains about a lack of resources, how life is so unfair, or anything else I hear most people complain of daily as they sip their Starbuck's lattes on the way to the metro. She simply finds a way to make the best of every situation.

If there's a bargain, she'll find it. I've never seen anyone who can stretch a dollar so far. She knows exactly when things go on sale, is tuned in to all the good coupons and discounts, and can make ordinary items into extraordinary displays (the woman made a tank cake for her son's Army-themed birthday party with licorice and mini-Oreos...it was incredible!).

She's also an incredible mom. Patient but firm...just like Super Nanny! She has well behaved kids (not easy for two little boys). Honestly...they're the kind of kids that make you think you might want one of your own!

And her marriage is based on respect. Sure there are ups, downs and sideways hard times...but I've never seen anything but love and respect between her and her husband. They've been married longer than any of my friends and just like their kids...their marriage makes you think the institution may not be so bad after all!

So, that is why my best friend is my hero. She makes being a super mom, wife & woman look easy. If even SOME of the leaders in corporate America had 1/10th of her creativity, respect for others, and ability to work within a budget...the world would be a better place!

So who's the woman you know that makes you say, "WOW! You're my hero!"? Click on comment below to share your hero's story & why you love her!

Laugh Like a Girl...Because Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine!

Nothing beats the sound of laughter. It makes good times better & bad times bearable. So find yourself some girlfriends & have a good laugh this weekend!

The thing I love about girlfriends is their ability to make us laugh. When times are good, laughter makes them even better. But when times are bad...sometimes the laughter is what gets us through. I've laughed/cried through many a break-up with my girlfriends on the other end of the line or sitting with me in my living room as I experience a mini-meltdown.

But through it all, we always find a way to laugh. And it's a good thing...since laughter really does have medicinal properties. In fact, research shows that laughter:
Strengthens the immune system


Improves breathing, arterial blood flow, digestion, and sleep
Adjusts blood pressure and blood sugar
Relaxes muscles
Reduces pain
Helps people get along better
Relieves stress, depression, anger and anxiety

So how's that for something to make you smile. Or better yet...LAUGH! So thanks so all the girlfriends who've been there to help each other laugh. Make it a point to do a little more of it...call an old girlfriend this weekend and reconnect over a laugh!

And now, some random laughter info...just for fun!

If you've ever wanted to study laughter, find out why the phrase "laughter is the best medicine" is true, or become a CLL--Certified Laugh Leader (Really! I've met a few and they are a HOOT!) check out these sites:

Laughter Therapy websites:
http://www.teehee.com/
http://www.laughtertherapy.com/
http://www.worldlaughtertour.com/



Or you can check out what NPR has to say about the growing popularity of this trend. Yes...even NPR is recognizing the importance of laughter:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5165226

How to Lead Like a Girl in a Down Economy

Check out the Greater Washington Clothing Swap's Facebook page. Or better yet, attend one of these awesome events and come away with something 'new to you!'

Fashion is fun! Clothing swaps can make everything old new again! So attend one or organize your own to update your summer wardrobe!

I love to shop. I mean LOVE it! Any other girls out there with me? Clothes, shoes, handbags...they're all so much fun!

But let's not kid ourselves...the economy isn't what it was a few years ago and some of us don't feel quite as good about buying a new pair of shoes for our closets (this is a real sacrifice for me...some of my friends call me" Little Imelda" if that gives you any idea how much I love shoes!).

But who says we have to BUY something to have a new & fabulous outfit?!

Clothing Swaps have become all the rage across the US since the economy took a turn for the worse. They've been featured in several magazines including Real Simple, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Today Show, CBS This Morning...they've even been mentioned on Oprah! In fact, someone started a whole website dedicated to clothing swaps and how to host them: http://www.clothingswaps.com/in-the-news/.

Leading like a girl in the truest sense, my friend Frances has organized an entire organization for women who want to participate in these events in DC. It's called the Greater Washington Clothing Swap (she has a facebook page...check it out! Or you can follow her on Twitter: Gidget654). The next event is Sunday, June 28 at 2:00pm. See the facebook page for more details.

She has taken a small gathering of friends trading their closet cast-offs and turned it into a major event including a chance to edit your closet, network, grab a bite to eat and a glass of something tasty...and even leave with a goody bag! Plus, she's coordinated with Goodwill to come pick up the items that no one takes (and to provide you with tax donation slips!). How's that for one stop shopping?!

So...if the economy has you down but you still need a few items to add that va-va-voom to your summer wardrobe, consider a clothing swap. Your friends will thank you for it and you'll all walk away looking fabulous!

And get creative...no reason to confine our swaps to clothes. Think big. Got a bedspread that's in great condition but you're looking for a new color in your bedroom? Try a home decor swap. Really! When you lead like a girl...the sky's the limit!

Motherhood Knows No Boundaries!

My friend Cori sent out this video a little earlier today (thanks, Cori!). It is completely heart warming and shows that humans aren't the only ones who know how to Lead Like Girls!

This clip makes me want to give a shout out to all the great moms out there who don't just take care of their own kids...but whatever neighborhood kinds they find in their houses too! Keep up that awesome mothering!

Today in Womens' History: Florence Nightengale born in 1820

Florence Nightingale
May 12, 1820-August 13, 1910

You may think you know Florence Nightingale...but just scroll through this brief bio (or skip straight to the "fun facts" and pithy quote) and see what new things you learn about "The Lady with the Lamp!"

Everyone knows Florence Nightingale is practically synonymous with the nursing profession. Known as a pioneer in the field, she established herself as a competent nursing administrator during the Crimean War, where her insistence on sanitary conditions cut the death rate considerably. The mortality rate at the military hospital was 60% when she arrived and only 2% six months later. Throughout her life, she continued to advance the field providing better health service and opportunities for women at the same time.

Besides her dedication to nursing during the Crimean War, she accomplished a number of other impressive tasks in her life as well. Ms. Nightingale, although unable to be appointed to the Royal Commission on Health of the Army because she was a women, wrote their 1,000-page detailed report leading to a major overhaul of army medical care. She authored several books in her lifetime including Notes on Nursing: What It Is, and What It Is Not, which became the cornerstone for nursing textbooks of the era. She was also quite the fundraiser, bringing in over £59,000 to open the Nightingale Training School for Nurses in London. At one point she even consulted to Queen Victoria & Prince Albert on sanitation issues in India.

But here are some other little know (and dare I say fun) facts about Ms. Nightingale:

--At the age of 20, she had to fight her parents for the right to get tutoring in math. How many moms out there wish their kids were willing to fight for a math tutor?!

--Turns out, Florence Nightingale was quite the women's-libber. In her book Suggestions for Thought to Searchers after Religious Truths (1859), she argued strongly for the removal of restrictions that prevented women having careers. So, if you're reading this from your desk...silently thank Florence Nightingale for your ability to have a job!


--Her own health was quite poor after the Crimean War. It declined steadily until she was blind and bed-ridden by 1895, requiring full-time nursing care for the last 15 years of her life. Guess it's a good thing she fought for well-trained nurses, huh?!


--She is rumored to have owned more than 60 cats. 60! Couple that with the fact she never married and I'm feeling less & less like the crazy cat lady with my two unruly felines.


So now you know the real story behind Florence Nightingale. Nurse. Hero. Lover of cats. God rest her soul!

A quote from Florence Nightingale:
"Women never have a half-hour in all their lives (excepting before or after anybody is up in the house) that they can call their own, without fear of offending or of hurting someone. Why do people sit up so late, or, more rarely, get up so early? Not because the day is not long enough, but because they have 'no time in the day to themselves."

How To Lead Like A Girl From the Bottom of Your Purse

Remember when you were 7? And you could carry a purse the size of a checkbook because all you had to put in it was chapstick and bubble gum (and maybe your $10 allowance if you were lucky).

Boy how times change.

As we get older, our purses seem to grow exponentially. First we hit high school and chapstick becomes lip gloss, a compact, mascara, and 3 colors of eye shadow. We're also much more conscious of what our hair looks like so a brush and mini-bottle of hairspray are added to the mix. Soon we're 16 and the keys to the car become our next essential. Somewhere along the line we get a cell phone (although nowadays, that might be happening at age 7 too!) and our little purses are no longer so little.

As we progress into the work world, our office shoes also need a space (because face it, we're not wearing our Jimmy Choo's on the walk to work...those bad boys will never see anything but carpet) as do a reusable travel mug and water bottle so we don't keep adding to the problem with the landfills.

And for those with kids, there's a whole separate purse full of bottles, blankets & binkis (hopefully one without pastel versions of Pooh & friends to preserve at least some of our dignity as we change our babies in some crazy places because hey, when nature calls...we have to answer!).

I was reminded of just how miraculous our purses can be when a friend of mine marveled and what I seemed to carry with me at all times. He laughed because I had specifically stopped to clear out my purse before heading out to spend a day with him being tourists in our own city, yet still pulled out a myriad of items throughout the day.

I had my camera to snap pictures of our adventures. And an extra battery when the first one died. I had lip gloss and a mirror to reapply my perfect pout after our stop at Starbucks. When it started to rain I pulled out my perfectly, purse-sized umbrella. There was hand sanitizer for the times I just had to pick up disgusting but oh-so-exciting-to-find money on the ground (we found 50 cents that day). But what I think got him was the microphone I had opted to leave in my purse in case I felt like breaking into song at any point during the day (which I did).

The point is, women are ready for just about anything based on what we keep in our purses (and if you don't have a microphone in yours, I highly recommend one. Especially one with a button that gives you a laugh track or round of applause for a particularly well performed action).

There's no class on "how to pack a purse" or "what you'll need in the big bad world." We all just seem to intuitively know what we'll need given the situations we face on a daily basis. And we prepare accordingly.

I find that women lead in much the same way.

As we grow, we tuck away life experiences and lessons learned to access at just the right time down the road. Somewhere along our journey as leaders, we swap our hot pink, Hello Kitty mini-purses for full-fledged grown-up totes and look down to realize we're capable of leading families, communities, and corporations.

But don't fret...for nothing is lost. Although most women can reach into their bag-o-tricks to solve a crisis, plan the meals, schedule a conference call, and write a major proposal all before noon...they probably still have the chapstick and bubble gum in a side zipper compartment too.

How to Lead Like a Girl When The Team Can't Wait For You

Have you ever wanted something so much that it almost blinded you? In fact, the wanting is so strong you almost forgot how you thought you could get it in the first place? And then one of your girlfriends comes up with an idea that makes you say, "Why couldn't I think of that?!" And by the time you know what's going on, she's already taken a step on your behalf to push you closer to the goal she knows you're trying to achieve.

Who's leading who?!

Whether you're leading a team or yourself, sometimes other people just can't wait for you to act on the possibilities they see. And that's ok.

Leading like a girl has a bit to do with believing in the brilliance of others and knowing that leadership is a dance that sometimes means you have to follow (but not always like proper dance etiquette might suggest).

So when your batteries are running low and you don't have the energy to direct, lead or even suggest to people what they need to do...sit back and let them surprise you with their creativity. It might be some of the best leading you'll ever do!

How to Lead Like a Girl When the Government Doesn't Step Up

Did you know that Mount Vernon (George Washington's home) is not a state park? Or even a federal landmark? In fact when the estate was in horrible disrepair and Washington's ancestors asked the government if they'd like to buy it to preserve the home of our nation's founding father...they said, "No thanks."

Can you imagine? The government was too busy to step back and recognize the sad impact not preserving this historical landmark might have on generations to come. Now...this was 1854 and there was some pretty big trouble brewing as the tensions leading to the civil war mounted. But isn't that how life works? Don't the best opportunities come to us and the least opportune times?

Maybe it takes leading like a girl to deal with all the ups and downs.

Thankfully, Ann Pamela Cunningham was up to the challenge. Her mother had sent her the following note after traveling from Pennsylvania to South Carolina along the Potomac River:

“It was a lovely moonlit night that we went down the Potomac. I went on deck as the bell tolled and we passed Mount Vernon. I was painfully distressed at the ruin and desolation of the home of Washington, and the thought passed through my mind: Why was it the women of his country did not try to keep it in repair, if the men could not do it?”

At a time when it was thought appropriate for a woman’s name to appear in a newspaper only on the occasion of her marriage or death, Miss Cunningham sent a letter to the Charleston Mercury, making a plea to the ladies of the south to join together and save Mount Vernon. This courageous action resulted in the formation of small societies and donations throughout the south. Miss Cunningham increased her outreach and eventually formed the Mount Vernon Ladies Association. In 1858, the association purchased Mount Vernon and began restoring the dilapidated property to its full glory. The property has been fully woman owned and operated ever since.

WOW! It took the nations mothers, daughters, sisters, and wives to recognize the importance of preserving the history and legacy of our founding fathers. Hats off (or perhaps bonnets?) to these pioneer women who pushed the boundaries of how women were allowed to lead at the time.

Check out this link for more on the full story and some of the other amazing women involved in the preservation of this historic home: http://www.mountvernon.org/visit/plan/index.cfm/pid/811/

What opportunity are others missing where you can step in and lead like a girl? The fate of the nation (or maybe the world) could be counting on you!